Well here I am. Been awhile. The second last post I made here, was the day my mother my mothers' life changed. Shortly after that post, I got a call, saying my mother had a seizure and was taken to the hospital. A few hours later, after tests, we were told it wasn't good. She had cancer.
Let me go back.a bit to last year.
Last spring, mom went to the doctor, complaining about a spot on her arm, that was itchy, and hurt. The cdoctor said to watch it and come back if it changed size, color, etc.
2 months later it had done just that. She called the doctors' office, and was told, the doctor was off* on sick leave, and getting surgery.
Then it was September. The doctor was back so she went in. The doctor shouldn't have, but he removed it himself, and sent it away to be checked. It came back that it was a malignant, and the worst skin cancer you can have. She had more tests/scans to check if the cancer had spread, and all came back clear. This was in November 20120
Just a note, my mother was never one to sit in the sun and avoided it as much as possible. The spot she had was in the area of the arm exposed to sun while driving the car. And she did not smoke, and ate healthy.
On April 5 of this year, 5 months after being told she was cancer free, tests showed she in fact had cancer. It all began with the little spot she had the year before, that was removed. The doctors said what had happened is that when the mole was removed, some cancer cells had broken away, and spread through the body.
So mom now had cancer in the pancreas(or spleen, I forget), lungs, and the brain.
The prognosis was the worst. She was at this time in stage 4 already, and it was aggressive. The worst there can be.
She was given a life expectancy of about 4 months at this time.
After this day, she never drove a car again, never walked outside unless it was to get in the car to go for an appointment to the cancer center. She never really even had a normal conversation again.
There was no time to set up for any radiation treatments. There wasn't even time to get set up with a home care nurse to come in.
2 weeks after being diagnosed, at the first visit by the home care nurse, by this time she couldn't do anything but lay in bed, couldn't even stand up, or hardly talk. Her heart rate was low, so an ambulance was called.
My sister called to tell me. We were told mom might not live through the night.
That night I went up, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done, is walk into that hospital room.
I held her hand, and told her loved her. She was somewhat awake at this point. It's so terrible to hold the hand of your own mother, and try to give a bit of comfort, knowing it may be the last time you see her alive.
A couple days later, I went back to see her. At this time, I could hear the loud gurgling noise from outside the room. I knew what that noise was.
It was a painful visit. I don't know if she was even aware that I was there at all.
I am not religious, not have any beliefs, but I still sent out a prayer, for her to go quickly without pain.
I knew for sure when I left that day, I would never see my mother again.
The next morning, mom died. I remember that morning well. The sun was finally shining after months of our cold long winter, and the birds were singing loudly. I remember thinking, that is exactly the kind of day, she would have chosen to go.
~rip mom~ I think about you every day.
